That time again

So I don't know what happens to me come October, but I'm feeling pretty crappy again to be honest.

I don't know if its because Noah's just been poorly with suspected whooping cough, its the time of year that is dull with the weather, or if its just coincidence that it happened last October. 
I"ve just about had enough of work to the point I feel I could run away from it completely, except that damned wage packet. 
I'm feeling quite cheated out of a second lot of maternity leave as well. 10 months off could have been just what I need, and I would most possibly be on the countdown to April when I'm certain another baby would have been due from the wedding being over.

I was chatting to an old workplace buddy today and he hit the nail on the head with something he said. Its the not having control of what you want to do and your future because you have too many things to be responsible for. I have a husband, son and house that means I can't just say "i've had enough of work, i'm going to try something else". I also have Noah's schooling to think about as well, where I need to be there to take him and pick him up.

I had my first mum ask me today if I'm going to have another baby. Thats another thing. Just when I thought I had got past most people asking me that question, there are a whole new group of people I need to explain it to. There's also a hell of a lot of pregnant mums & prams in the playground. I really feel the odd one out. 

I really don't understand this feeling. I'm starting to question if maybe its just my own doing. Do I need to just perk myself up and stop feeling sorry for myself? Maybe thats what it is. 
Or is this feeling down due to depression/anxiety? I just don't know anymore if its something I'm bringing on myself. I do know though that I feel a bit emotional most of the time, feel unmotivated and lethargic, yet couldn't sleep for hours last night.
Am I wanting too much from life? Am I thinking that I should be happier when in reality everyone feels like this? I can't remember anymore what I used to feel like to gage it by anything. I'm certain I didn't feel like this though. 

All I know is that feeling happy is being outweighed by unhappiness again and I don't want to feel like this. I just want to be happy and carefree. Just to not dread getting up & leaving the house every day would be a start.

I'm beginning to vote packing up and moving to a warmer climate. Working in a nice coffee shop somewhere in the sun, my boys with me as much as possible throughout the day and lots of fun being had...... now that sounds like bliss.

Fingers crossed for something good/different to happen soon. 

Hope you're all as happy as can be and that my post hasn't just brought you all doom and gloom! If it has, come and join me and we can all have a little cry together :-) 

Sara xx