Monday, 17 March 2014

Busy busy busy......

Firstly I have to start this post with the most exciting news that I have chosen my wedding dress… eeeeeeeeeeeeek!!!!!!!!!

Me, my mum, my sister, my best friend Bex & her mum went out dress shopping at the beginning of March. We started off the day in Folkestone at a lovely shop Wedding World where I tried on the dress that was already in my folder as the fave. From there on in, everything else had to match that one. We then went to Hythe to a beautiful little shop called Signature Brides. The lady in this shop was amazing as I explained I thought I'd found 'the one', yet she spent so long helping me try on every dress possible to eliminate the chance that I was wrong.

Luckily I was right & the dress has had the deposit paid all thanks to my lovely mum & it's another thing ticked off the list!

Since then, not much else has happened really. Tony's really doing well with his PT career, hoping to get things set up properly in the near future. This is something I'm really eager to support him with in every way possible as I want him to fulfil his career potential as I know it's something he wants to succeed in completely. The effort he has put in to learning everything he needs to is astounding & I'm certain it will pay off for him. My clever clogs of a fiancé!

I've been really ill with a throat infection this weekend & missed a friends hen do to the one & only Marbs! I'm so gutted :-( Not only was there a great itinerary set out which included cocktail making, but the previous times me, the hen Misty & another of my friends Lianne were out, we had a brilliant time all drinking together. I could not have gone though because as Tony said when I woke up on Saturday morning "so you basically slept for 24 hours yesterday"!

After not eating from Wednesday evening, I finally woke on Sunday morning ravenous & decided we needed to do something for the day. We took Noah to the Lambing Day at Hadlow College. It was a lovely couple of hours out in some beautiful March sunshine, although we didn't see any lambs be born.

Today feeling even better still, I went to meet my lovely friend Caroline's perfect little baby girl Rose. I had lovely cuddles & had a good catch up. 

Well, I've written a rather long essay like post there, but life as always feels hectic & a constant need to slow down!

No rest for the wicked though as they say! xx

Monday, 3 March 2014

One Born Every Minute

The beautiful programme that is 'One Born Every Minute' is like a drug to me. 

It's something I should not watch, it's not good for me, yet I watch religiously every week and have the planner set to record just in case I miss it.
For me, this programme brings me upset, pain, bad memories, scared thoughts BUT also the good memories of becoming a new mum, becoming a family, meeting my little ginger man & enables me to watch midwives working (a career path I would have chosen was I not now struck with PTSD at every thought of hospital & maternity units).

This series of OBEM has already, 2 episodes in, covered 2 births which have suffered post-partum hemmorhage. This is refreshing to see, that at last birth is not portrayed as being easy & people are seeing that it can be dangerous. 

These 2 ladies have also brought it home to me just how bad my situation was as both times their difficulties have seemed so scary & yet Tony has been quite irate that what they had happen wasn't bad compared to ours.
These birth trauma episodes have made me realise that what Tony went through that night was probably the worst thing he will ever go through in his life. I dread to think what he saw happening to me, whilst being left holding a new baby. 
My mum only said to me after last weeks first episode that she truly believes Tony thought I wasn't coming back that night & that she could just see the look on his face as though he didn't know what to do.

I think I now know why both Tony & my mum were almost relieved that the option of having another baby was taken from me. It meant that I wasn't going to put them through that horrendous ordeal ever again with the possibility of the outcome being me not sitting on the sofa now writing a blog post.

Now just to get rich, return to studying, conquer my fear of hospitals & maternity units to one day become a midwife!!! One day........... maybe.