All grown up

Noah had his last day at nursery today. I'm unsure as to how that happened. He was born 5 minutes ago and now his uniform is in his wardrobe, all labelled with his name ready for him to start school.

My baby is no more. We are the parents of a school goer. We no longer have a tiddler.

I am struggling hugely with this concept.

Noah has been so apprehensive these last 2 weeks and has cried every day when we turn into the road for his nursery. This is something that has never happened before, so i'm convinced he realises that life for him is changing.

Today saying goodbye to his nursery, Happy Bunnies, I felt so much more emotional than I ever thought I would. They have been amazing and he really has some little friends there who I know he will miss.

I think the knowing we won't ever go through this again is affecting me more than I anticipated. I really do no longer have a baby and I will never have one again. 
This wasn't my choice!!!!! This wasn't our life plan. Why am I not to have the excited feeling of trying for a baby again? Why do I not get to give my amazing first born a sibling that I know he would love so much.

I want to get to do the baby groups again like I did with Noah. I didn't get to enjoy them enough the first time. I want to do the first words, first steps, first day at nursery and all of those bits again. I want to enjoy them more, take it all in a little better as I am now fully aware of how quick it all goes.

I know every new step with Noah is something to look forward to and we have so many firsts still to come, although the girlfriend staying over first is something that I will never like no matter how old he is! 

I found this little poem that really sums up my feelings at the moment.

Thanks for reading my miserable post! xx