A little catch up

I thought i'd just do an update of whats going on with me at the mo, just so everyone knows whether to stay away or at least approach with caution!

Ive been off work for a few weeks now and am not due to go back until after 30th November. Taking work out of the equation has certainly helped and has reduced my anxiety lots, but if i"m totally honest I don't feel much better at all.

I have started telephone counselling, which is arranged through work. Now it sounds like they are supportive, but that has taken approx a year and half to arrange and I've only got it now because they have changed the policy and you can now self refer!
The telephone counselling isn't great and she has already told me I would be better with different techniques. 

I have today had an initial consultation with KCA who have gone through everything with me and are trying to sort out the correct support I need. 

I have finally, after 3 years and 4 months been clinically diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder! I didn't need diagnosing, I knew I had it, but to actually now be given the correct support to suit this, will be a step in the right direction. After doing all my questionnaire's today she said my anxiety/panic levels are moderate/severe but my depression levels are at the moderate level. This pleases me because I don't feel I have anything to be depressed about, yet my anxiety is out of my control at the moment. My PTSD is high in the marking so they at least know what they are dealing with.

They don't actually have any openings at the moment for CBT or EMDR therapy, but they will be in contact as soon as they can.

I have been trying to keep myself busy with wedding preparations and have finally sorted the bridesmaid's! I went from not having a clue with them, to buying dresses and shoes in one day.
I also went out for a friends birthday the other night, something I found hard getting out the house for, but knew I would be ok once I was there. Apart from being shattered for some reason, it was a lovely night and my cheeks hurt from laughing so much, so that had to be a good thing. Plus immense amounts of chinese food were consumed! Always a winner!

I was told the other day that people on depression/anxiety medication are not taken off of it unless they have been feeling normal for at least 6 months. My worry is that I can't remember what it is like to feel 'normal'. I have been feeling not right for 3 years now and before that just feels a blur. 

My take on it is to try and be positive regarding that statement, because really, what is normal anyway?! :-) 

xxx