Mr Independant

Just a quick post about my finding tonight when I got home from work.

Tony had a PT client at 5 so Noah was without full on supervision for 5 mins! He had access to the garden where Tony was and had apparently been running up and down the garden minutes before I walked in.

When I opened the front door, I was greeted by Noah in the bathroom (which is downstairs), telling me he had been for a poo on the big toilet. I was all excited, saying "well done mate", whilst taking my bags in the front room. 

I noticed the bath was running and assuming Tony's PT client hadn't yet arrived, thought he must've been in the bathroom with Noah. I noticed a puddle in the kitchen, so I asked Noah what it was and he said "wee wee Mummy". 

I then poked my head in the bathroom to find him running himself a bath, his clothes thrown in the bath already and Noah lifting his t-shirt to show the streak of poo up his back.

I couldn't react quick enough!

Asking him what had happened, he said "I had an accident so did a poo on the big toilet mummy, now I need to wash my clothes as they got wee wee on them". 

Apparently he had started to go for a wee in the kitchen as he couldn't get to the toilet in time, managed to get on the toilet, do a poo, wipe his bum, begin to run a bath ,take his clothes off and throw them in the bath, all in less than 5 minutes!

You wouldn't believe this is the same kid that only 6 weeks ago was too scared to sit on a potty! 

Thats it, I'm throwing it out there........... he learns so quick, he's going to be an absolute genius! :-)

One Born No More

For someone who is usually obsessed with baby programme's, I've made the decision to not watch One Born Every Minute anymore. 

I usually put these programmes on reminder and record, along with any other midwife programme that I can get my hands on, but I decided I think I need to give these a rest for my own mental health. Me and my friend Leanne used to message each other throughout every episode talking about the programme as we loved it so much!

As you are all aware from me beginning this blog, I can no longer fall pregnant/have babies, something that is heartbreaking to me. I have always been obsessed with baby/midwife programmes, firstly because I always would have loved to have been a midwife and secondly because I love babies. I have thought about it and discussed with Tony that I think they make me worse watching them as not only does it bring back all the thoughts of my disaster birth story, but also makes me so, so broody!

For me to see that these programmes are on t.v and yet I skip the channel, is similar to torture as I so desperately want to watch. But I feel that for me to watch them is more mentally damaging and something that I need to give a miss at the moment.

I have mentioned before that I'm slightly crazy :-) and am currently on medication which is seriously helping (something that I hate to admit as I have always thought they are a placebo), so I need to make other changes in my life which may aid my recovery even more.

I'm unsure as to if its working or not, but I'm confident in saying I definitely feel less broody than when I watch them, so thats got to be a start.

Small steps and all that, but hope I'm getting there, on my route to being 'normal' again.

Well as normal as I could ever be! xx

Coffee nightmare

This morning we woke to find Noah in our bed. Neither of us knew he had got in, neither of us know what time he crept up between us. But that means one thing, he'll be tired for the rest of the day as he obviously woke early.

I haven't seen my friend Leanne for a couple of weeks, so messaged her and we arranged to meet for coffee at the Village hotel.

We sat outside but it quickly began raining, so we moved inside to the small seating area. This is where the fun began. Noah would not stop whinging, moaning, crying, hitting me, dragging the chair across the floor making it squeak, generally annoying everyone in the coffee shop.

I think this went on for about 45 mins before he had pushed me to the limit. I think I had told him about 6 times previous to stop misbehaving and had even given him my phone to let him play with thinking he must be bored..... none of this worked.

The second he began to scream in my face, I decided we would leave the shop which sent him into overdrive. Screaming laying on the floor to the giggles of people around us. I certainly was not giggling. 

As any mum knows, this is the height of embarrassment. You look like you cannot control your child, people would be making remarks such as "she can't control him", "he needs more discipline", "what an awful child". 
Also as any mum knows, this is just children for you. Most of the time they behave, sometimes they don't, especially when tired.

So, we moved outside where Noah continued to cry hysterically for about another 20 mins. We struggled to chat through it, losing track of what we were saying numerous times and barely able to hear each other.

He eventually seemed to cheer up a bit, probably because he could walk around and not be constricted to a chair when he told me he needed a wee. So we went into the toilets, which unfortunately you pass a swimming pool to get to. As we came out of the toilet, he asked to see the swimming pool again, which I was ok with. He was finally happy, so I was not going to stop that.

We met Leanne outside again and he continued to be happy, until he asked to go back in again and the answer was no. The crying began again and he threw himself on the floor. I think we'd got to the end of what we could handle for one day and were going to get going anyway, when Noah announced he wanted to go to Leanne's to see the 'big dogs'. 

As this wasn't an option, I had the screaming child to deal with the whole way home. The picture below sums up exactly the extent of how my coffee date went.

Being a mum is the most rewarding thing in the world, but today has been hard work, all because he's tired. This is why sometimes a night off or a few hours out is nice, to be able to have you time and be able to concentrate on something properly.

Huge apologies for the stressful coffee date Leanne and thank you for not abandoning me, running off into the distance as fast as you could!! 

As you can now see, he's peacefully asleep and I have been able to write this post!

The joys of motherhood! 

NHS Blood Donor Awards

As some of you have read previously, I have been asked to be a guest speaker at the Blood Donor awards in September of this year. 

I have finally got round to writing my speech and I must admit, it brought back a few feelings I haven't felt in a while. Especially pulling my hospital notes out and making sure I was getting all of my facts correct. 

I have copied it below for you all to read if you have the time. It is quite lengthy!  I think it will be a teary day for me and I shall definitely have a packet of tissues to hand.

NHSBT Donor Awards Ceremony - Croydon Park Hotel - 18th September 2014

Good afternoon everyone. My name is Sara Miles and I firstly want to thank everyone for giving me this opportunity to be a guest speaker at the Donor Awards Ceremony.

I am here with my fiance Tony and 3 year old son Noah, and I think I can safely say my speech today comes with as much gratitude from them as it does from me.

The reason I am here today, telling you my story, is because I feel I need to be able to say thank you in some way, and this is how I can do that.

In November 2010 we were overjoyed by the news that we had finally fallen pregnant! After a previous miscarriage in May of 2010 and then 6 months of trying, it was a welcome relief to finally see those 2 blue lines on the pregnancy test. 

After telling family, and booking an early 6 week scan to put our minds at rest, we had finally reached Xmas and were ready for our 12 week scan which meant we could sing our good news from the rooftops!

Everything with the pregnancy was fine and we hurriedly started saving a deposit for our first home, hoping to buy somewhere before the baby arrived. Nothing like leaving everything to the last minute and doing 2 hugely stressful things at the same time!

I was due in July 2011 and in the April we treated ourselves to a 4D scan as we were so impatient to wait another 14 weeks to see our babies face. We weren't finding out the sex of the baby, so we had lots of pictures of the little ones face, something I am now so grateful that we did.

We also found and bought a house at the end of April, completely chain free and we had exchanged contracts and collected the keys by the 1st June. This is when our lives first became hectic! We had a house that needed gutting, a complete refurb including re-wiring and central heating installing all in 4 weeks as my due date was 5th July! I think we knew we were pushing it, but we were certainly going to give it a go! I finished work on 25th June ready for a week and half of maternity leave hopefully before little one would make an appearance.

Regardless of being heavily pregnant, I was insistent on wanting to do lots of DIY myself. So much so that on the 4th July, me and my mum were painting the front room. I was up high on a chair, rolling paint onto freshly plastered walls, the day before my due date.

The plan the following day, my due date, was to go to the bank, buy some bedding to set up our bedroom and head over to the house to set it all up. My body on the other hand, had other idea’s!

I woke up feeling a little tender and realised quite quickly that things were starting! I rang Tony, my fiancé, at work to tell him that I thought things were on the move, but obviously very early on and that I would keep him posted. 

My brother ran me into town as I thought it best I didn't drive and then I went back to my parents to relax. My mum finished work at around 5pm and we decided to still head to Dunelm to buy some bedding. Whilst walking around the shop, I was stopping every so often to deep breath through my contractions. It was like something you see in a film! When my mum suggested that we headed back to hers rather than me set up our bedroom, I was devastated, but in hindsight it was the best option.

I called Tony at work on the way back to my parents, as he wasn't due to finish work until 8 and informed him that my contractions were approx 7 minutes apart. His words were “I’ve got time to finish my shift though haven't i”? Typical!

The next few hours were a pretty long night of pain and breathing through contractions and after going to bed for half hour and listening to Tony sleep, I had to get up and pace the front room. At around 1:30am on 6th July, I called the hospital and they told me to come in and be checked. We eventually made it to the delivery suite at Maidstone Hospital at 2am and I was checked immediately. I was 2-3 cm dilated and was told I could stay on the ward but Tony had to go home. Luckily his parents lived 5 minutes from the hospital but it still meant a long lonely night on my own at the hospital on a extremely quiet ward, trying not to be too noisy through my contractions. I didn't sleep and at 8am when Tony arrived back, I was checked again and was finally 4cm! I was transferred to the delivery suite and the birthing pool was filled ready for me to get into.

I began gas and air, amazing stuff, which made me giggle lots at first and then I submerged myself into the warm birthing pool which eased the pain so much. Gas and air blurs a lot of the next few hours for me, but having read my notes, my labour was progressing normally and I reached 8 cm before my waters broke. I kept asking the midwife if they had broke, but it soon became apparent that I certainly didn't need to ask because when they did, the noise I made resembled a wild animal fighting for its life! I was then 9 cm and I was on the home straight!

This is when things started to go a little wrong with the labour. The midwife needed me to get out of the birthing pool to check me properly and I stated that if I had to get out, I didn't want to get back in. I ended up having an edpidural, my cervix had swollen back to 8 cm and the babies heart rate was dropping. They noticed that the baby had pooed and was showing signs of distress. After trying to get me to push a few times, it was decided an instrumental delivery would be best in theatre. I was so tired and worried, I just wanted to know that the baby would be safe.

Within 5 minutes of deciding on a forceps delivery, they had changed their minds and I was going down for a caesarean section. I had my epidural topped up with a spinal block and Tony had donned his gown. Very George Clooney in his ER days!

As far as I am aware, the C-Section went well and baby Noah was born at 20:16pm on 6th July 2011 weighing 8lb 1oz and adorning a head of ginger hair!

45 minutes later I was back up in the delivery suite but if i’m honest the rest is information I have been told by Tony, family members and my hospital notes as I don’t remember much.

I was not really with it, quite dozy and felt sick. My blood pressure was quite low but that is to be expected after major surgery.

Within 15 minutes of being back in the room, my stats had become worse and the medical team started me on a drip to increase my blood pressure. I instantly felt better after I had received this fluid but this cycle happened another 3 times. Me feeling unwell, almost unresponsive, fluid given, felt better. My uterus was being checked the whole time to make sure it was contracted and my blood loss was being monitored. 

At 10:40pm my hospital notes state that my blood pressure had dipped to 101/15 and I was very pale and lethargic. The registrar was called and I was examined as they knew something wasn't right. I had a brisk blood loss of 2.5 litres there and then in the delivery room, in front of Tony, which must have scared him so much. By this point, I have no recollection at all of anything that was happening. I had my bloods taken so that they could send for blood and 4 units of cross matched O negative was requested urgently as I am type A negative.

The decision was made to return to theatre at that point.

I believe they tried everything that night to stop me bleeding, but regardless of any procedure they used, they couldn't stop me losing blood at a fast rate. I was told that I bled the hospital dry of A negative and they had to have more biked in especially to keep me going! 

After a little while in Intensive Care where they believed they had stopped the bleeding, they soon realise they hadn't and took me back to theatre to perform a life saving hysterectomy, which ended the bleeding immediately. 

In my notes it states that I lost 8 litres of blood that night  and received 12 units of blood to keep me alive.

As I look around this room, and see all of you who give blood, I cannot ever explain fully how eternally grateful I am for what you have done for me. 

Because of you, blood donors, I survived and have seen my little boy grow up to be the cheeky ginger 3 year old he is now. My son, Noah, has a mum and doesn't just get shown pictures of me to explain who I am. He knows how my voice sounds, how I smell, and how much I love him, something he wouldn't be aware of if it wasn't for you amazing people.

My beloved Tony. He went through hell and back that night, as did my parents and siblings. He truly believed I wasn’t coming back and If it wasn't for you heroes, he would be a single dad, bringing Noah up on his own whilst grieving for the loss of his fiance.

I cant ever repay you all for the gift you have given me, but by telling you all how your selfless good deed helps save lives, I hope it gives you a sense of pride and worth that you all deserve.

You are my knights in shining armour, my Superman, my Wonder woman…….. my heroes.

Thank you.

Danson Park

I've been meaning to do a 'day out' post for a while now & since receiving so many questions about a park we have visited a few times this summer, I thought it was time to give you all some info on it.

Danson Park is in Bexleyheath and is a beautiful park, not far off the motorway. You need to take the second exit for Bexleyheath off of the A2, and it should be signposted from there. If you like to plan ahead, google it and the directions are easy to find.

It is free to park Monday to Friday, but on weekends and Bank Holiday Mondays, it is £2. This is all you have to pay for once there. 

There is the splash park, which this summer has been a godsend for us. Noah absolutely loves it. 

The playground is amazing with things for all ages. There is a part for small children, with little slides and sit on toys. Then there are the big slides and climbing frames for the older children.

If you go to Danson Park at the weekend, you will be able to hire a rowing boat and take to the lake with oars in hand! Life jackets are available! The rowing boats are at an extra cost but they are something a little different if you fancy giving them a go!

There are extensive park grounds that you can choose to picnic on, play football or frisbee and generally laze around. Dogs are welcome in the grounds so you will be sure to find a pooch sniffing around your legs at some point through your visit.

The Danson House is a very impressive looking building which serves as wedding venue now. You can also stop there for cream tea if you fancy it, whilst sitting looking out to the lake.

The pub within the grounds is lovely for a spot of food or somewhere to retreat to if the weather has changed. It is a lovely family welcome pub, and also allows dogs to enter. The price is standard for pub food and a huge car park is available directly out the front.

I cannot recommend this park enough. It is a great day out with fun for all ages readily available. Even us big kids enjoy the splash park really!