The Joy That Comes With Hope

I've read somewhere that when you feel despair, it unfocusses you from being able to motivate yourself and achieve what you want in life. Whereas hope, apparently does the complete opposite of this. That is until the hope is taken away from you.

The thing with hope, is that it is supposed to be something that is made up by the person feeling it due to the circumstances they are in and that actually there is no truth behind what they are feeling. 

However, when you are actually made to believe that the hope you are feeling is real, the despair you feel when it is taken away feels 100x worse.

So, I admit life is a little up in the air again at the moment, with everything I thought was happening now very quickly not happening and the realisation hitting me that I have allowed my heart to make decisions when I should have listened to my head instead. But what else are you supposed to do when you love someone so much that you cannot imagine your life without them and you would have been willing to do anything to fix everything that went wrong?

The 'Visualisation of my Hope' - Boxing Day

So I'm now ready to start the rebuilding of myself again and this time I'm going to do it the right way!

1st thing: I'm currently watching First Wives Club so that I can channel my inner Goldie Hawn 😂 Gosh she's bloody gorgeous isn't she? And it is just the best film for reminding me of why these things happen in life! Men and that green grass on the other side of the fence 🙄

2nd: I'm going to be more directive about what I want going forward, rather than being submissive to pacify the situation and keep that false hope alive. I'm going to stop hanging off of every word and believing everything. I'm going to attempt to gain some control.

3rd: I'm going to keep working on myself. I'm going to keep improving all areas of my life so that I am the best version of myself and therefore I only attract what I fully deserve (which, by the way, is the world).

4th: I'm going to be the best mum I can be. I'm going to ensure I provide for my son, I'm going to be the best role model he could possibly have and I am going to make sure he knows that no matter what happens, I love him more than anything in the world.

5th: I am going to continue improving in my career and using the busyness it creates to take up some of my thinking time. That's the thing with this pandemic, it gives you too much time to sit around thinking and becoming almost neurotic with my actions.

Today was the first sunny day that actually felt warm on my face when walking the dog and even Noah had a spring in his step. We loved getting out today and this time the feeling initiated the right kind of hope.

Hope for the summer, the end of lockdown, the end of loneliness and sofa sitting, the end of tears at least once a day and the end of wishing I could go back in time rather than hoping for the future.

The Future

So, as always, no slagging off of anything mentioned in this blog please. Yes, I'm hurt but I only want messages of positivity for me and my future left for me to read!

Love to you all as always and stay safe 💛 

xx