We're so lucky.....

Again, it's been forever since I have posted but life is pretty much full to the brim.

If I'm not working, I'm studying. If I'm not studying, I'm being a wife and mum. 

It's all worth it though as with each day I'm closer to my forever dream and so far am enjoying my journey to reach it.

This post is just a little something different as it's close to Christmas. A time where we can all get a little wrapped up in what goodies we are going to be opening in a weeks time from under the tree. 

Last night as we were walking back to the car after watching the pantomime in Maidstone, we saw 2 rough sleepers on Week Street. 

A time of year when the streets were packed with revellers, celebrating the festive period on works do's and out with friends. A time of year when it is so cold outside and last night was particularly foggy.

Homelessness has always been something that really gets to me. I think it's because I would be petrified to be homeless, on my own, sleeping outside, in the dark, at night. I don't even like getting out of my car late at night and walking to my front door. Considering I park on my driveway, thats really quite pathetic. 

Tony gave the second homeless person we saw any money he had left, which unfortunately wasn't much, but hopefully it bought a drink (whether that be alcoholic or not, I'm not here to judge).

I then downloaded the app 'Street Link' as I knew this is a way to report anyone you see rough sleeping. 

It is designed to alert a local council run team where there is a rough sleeper and for them to be able to try and get to them asap. They can maybe provide them with shelter and start them off with the right contacts they need to help them. 

Now whether this is what that person wanted or not, they can soon tell them they are not interested, but I couldn't not report it in case they just hadn't been given that chance yet.

So, if any of you see someone sleeping rough, maybe give it a go. You can even tick the box to say you don't want to be contacted anymore about it if they need more info. 

Street Link may just be the break someone needs this Christmas.

We're all so lucky, however much we think we're not. We have a roof over our heads, food in the cupboards, family/friends around us and are looking forward to the next week's celebrations. 

Lets all be happy and enjoy the life we have been given. 

Merry Christmas you filthy animals! :-) xx

Eeeeeek! Big changes for meeeeee!

I haven't blogged for so long, I now have far too much to tell you! So the best thing for me to do is just go with the up to date stuff.

Firstly, I've taken huge steps in changing my life,  AT LAST!!!!

If it wasn't for my wonderful friend Leanne, this wouldn't even be happening but she passed on some info to me which has set the ball rolling!

For at least the last 11 years I have longed for the chance to become a Midwife but there's always been a reason I haven't done it. First reason was that I thought I needed at least a C grade in Science GCSE, then it just wasn't the right time, then we bought a house & I needed to work, next came Noah which mentally put me off for a while, now I feel I'm ready!

Leanne gave me some details on a distance learning access course to Nursing & Midwifery which is fully funded by the government, so I thought let's grab the bull by the horns & go for it!

I am just awaiting to hear back from the financing people & I should be good to go as of the 6th June! Oh my god, I'm going to be a student & ive never been more excited!

Today I attended an open day at Medway Hospital & it offered a wealth of knowledge, plus a lovely tour of the maternity unit. We saw a few mums to be & it just heightened my want to work in the midwifery field. It was really amazing!

I'm aware that the distance learning course is going to be hard, especially whilst working, running a home & being a mum, but this is something I have wanted for so long I know I can make it work. I have been applying for new jobs within the NHS which are less hours (and considerably less pay) but it would help with time & experience.
I have also started contacting children's centres to hopefully volunteer at some sessions. I'm hoping all of this will help when I eventually apply for University!

September 2017 is my aim for beginning a Midwifery degree, and I'm already excited by this prospect. I feel that at the age I am at now, I will really understand the level of learning, leading to success at graduation stage.

So the plan is to be out of my current job as soon as I get a new one, start studying for my dream career & be extremely happy before I am 40!

Will keep you all posted!!!! 

xoxo 

Alcohol is not my friend

I like to think of myself as bit of a social gal. I love going out with friends for drinks and dancing & there's nothing better than enjoying a cocktail or two, or so I thought.

Last night I went out for one of my good friends hen do & it involved a lot of alcohol. I started the night on vodka, which was swiftly followed by prosecco & then wine. After that there was some pornstar martini's, shots of sambucca & I finished the night on a southern comfort based cocktail.

I was sick in the night. I woke up with the saliva quickly forming in my mouth & a quick dash to the bathroom. I am never sick from alcohol, so this was rare. I hadn't eaten anything but dinner all day, so that wouldn't have helped & I've had a sickness bug this week, so food intake on the whole has pretty much been on the low side.

I've decided that the aftermath of drinking, namely the horrific hangover and tiredness is just not worth the few hours of responsibility free thinking.

I'm actually considering giving up drinking. 

Most people will think this is hilarious as I love getting drunk! But I just think that I can't waste a day feeling like this, when a weekend is 2 days. Plus the money. I think I'm Richard Branson when I've had a drink & my salary does not cover that sort of behaviour.

So I'm seriously going to give this a go. I don't need a drink to have fun, I'll dance regardless, I'm naturally stupid, it should be easy.

I'll let you know how this goes after you see the next set of pics of me on Facebook with the girls!

In the meantime, here is a pic of me & the beaut of a hen, before we got hammered! 

What can I do.... help!

As many of you know, I'm the moaniest person ever at the moment because I've been ill for what seems like forever!

So the piece of the puzzle I'm up to so far is that my gallbladder in enlarged, but after a ultrasound scan, they couldn't see any gallstones. I was sent home from hospital with no more information than that, no answers as to why my gallbladder was enlarged and no real fix to it.

After another visit to the doctors, she prescribed me stronger painkillers, so now I am on diclofenac and codeine daily. These still do not stop me being in pain! Her answer was that to have an enlarged gallbladder means that you usually have stones, and all of my symptoms are presenting as stones. 

I basically am not comfortable in any position, at any time. The pain in constant. I can't drive, I can't lift anything, I stand straight, I can't laugh, cough & god forbid I sneeze!

So my question is to people who have already had gallbladder problems/gallstones. Do i just keep going back to the doctors? I can't continue with this pain for much longer. I can't function on a day to day basis!

I've had a few people say that the gallstones were undetected on them, but they had their gallbladder removed and it was full of stones, is this a regular thing? Could this be what's happening with me? In this case, what do I do, just insist on a CT scan?

Will the pain eventually go? At the moment it is not easing up and I can't imagine it going any time soon. 

The hospital did blood tests & they said there is no sign of infection, yet I am on antibiotics. These finish tomorrow and there has been no change. Any idea?

The doctors seem to not tell me anything, I'm done with googling because everything I read points that I have gallstones & I feel like I'm going around in circles. 

So people that have had gallstones...... hit me up and tell me what I need to do to get this sorted because I can't cope much longer!

TIA,

The person with the smallest pain threshold obviously! 

xxx

I just want to feel well..... boo hoo!

I have been ill for what feels like an absolute age now, i've really had enough!

It started about 4 weeks ago with a cough, that just started out of the blue. Went straight to my chest and no other cold like symptoms. In the mean time I had the hospital stay with the suspected appendicitis and the cough still prevailed.

3 weeks after the cough beginning, I finally went to the doctors and she gave me some antibiotics. By that point, I felt achey, really achey. My joints were hurting so much, especially my knuckles and my legs are covered in random bruises. I must have been so run down and I just thought I could fight it off myself. 

The doctor told me to go back if the bruises don't go away or I notice more of them. Well I have more bruises and now an immense pain in my lower back and round onto my ribs. It is agony!!! I can't really move quickly and I most definitely can't lay on them. So now its the weekend & I can't get an appointment until Monday.

I also still have the cough, even though the antibiotics have finished. A cough when you have the worst pain in your ribs is really hard work! Even my neighbours must be fed up with the noise from me coughing and then moaning "Ow" every time!

I literally feel exhausted. I'm not sure if this is down to not sleeping well because of the coughing and now the ribs, or just because I'm unwell. I've had my dressing gown on all afternoon and just want to sleep which is easier said than done when you have a 4 year old to look after.

I must have the immune system of an ant, which on a body the size of what can only be described as a small rhino, is probably not going to work very well.

I cancelled a night out last weekend because of feeling so ill and starting the antibiotics and now I'm fearing i'm going to have to cancel again tomorrow because I feel so run down still. I so want to drink cocktails with some of my girls. 

Fingers crossed I wake up in the morning feeling brand new tomorrow! I'm not holding out much hope, but some co-codamol tonight might make for a better nights sleep. 

Love,

The Invalid 
xxx

Please mummy, play with me......

As a modern day mum, with a busy schedule and a lot of online life, I find it very easy to get in from work, sit down with a cuppa and check all my different platforms of social media that I have accounts on. 

It's something that has had an impact on my life now probably for about 8 years and it has got progressively worse as the years have gone on. Instagram is my personal fave, with Facebook a close second, then twitter, and finally Pinterest. Thats not including my emails and whatsapp. 

I've never really noticed that its probably impacting on Noah's life until very recently. 

He has said things such as "mummy you don't like playing with me do you", "you don't watch me do things mummy". This absolutely breaks my heart to think that his perception on this little box that I carry around in my hand 24/7 is more important than what he is doing, saying or trying to show me. 

If i leave my phone in another room, he brings it out to me, saying "mummy you forgot your phone" and I hate this that he thinks it is so important to me. 

Not only is it a hugely neglectful way to treat my completely precious child, but what chance does he have in the future of not becoming one of those saddo kids that is obsessed with computer games and tablets, if that is all he has seen growing up? I want a child who loves going out playing with his friends, kicking a ball around, riding his bike. 

Behaviour is learned as they say, and just recently his behaviour hasn't been great. I think we have no option but to take the blame for this and realise that maybe it is a huge cry for attention. Tonight I played catch with him, literally throwing a balloon to each other, and he loved it. His face was beaming. This is not something he should be excited about, it should be the norm.

From now on, I am making sure that I do not sit on my phone all night. In fact, I will not go on it until he has gone to bed. It is not fair on him in the slightest that his childhood will just be full of memories of looking at the top of my head, looking down at my phone. 

Thinking about this tonight has made me feel really emotional and I'm not sure whether the reality of how bad a parent I really am has hit me or if it's because I feel so bloody ill at the moment. 

Either way, its time for bed. 

Night y'all! xxx

Definitely 30 something.....

Just recently I have noticed that I am definitely 30 something and I shall tell you how this has come to my attention:

Whilst looking for clothes I enjoy looking at Marks & Spencer, Next, Wallis etc & find these much nicer than the usual clothing haunts! I also absolutely love a floral blouse and find this an attractive garment to wear on a night out teamed with skinny jeans and heels. 

I finally would like just normal blonde expensive looking hair. Now I never thought I would say this seeing as I do have a paunch for funky trends when it comes to the tresses, but I find myself looking more at girls like Louise Redknapp and wishing to look like her.

Expensive bags, shoes and one off items are much more appealing nowadays. I would much rather have an expensive bag that is statement piece & a classic style than lots of cheap ones which are fashionable. I also like an over the shoulder strap for a night out. Not a granny style, but I just think it looks smart.

I have been out 2 nights this weekend which I took a coat and umbrella on both nights. This has never been heard off before.
I also had money left at the end of each night meaning I have been slightly more sensible.

I'm seriously thinking of ditching fake lashes on a night out. Now I still haven't completely decided on this one, but if I can get mine lifted, then I may be happy with my own.

I'm genuinely becoming happier in my own skin, which has come as a bit of a shock to me. I'm aware I'm just your average looking girl, bit funny looking without make up on, resemble the girl from Jurassic Park 1 quite a lot of the time, but I'm happy with that. I've got my husband, my son, they love me exactly as I am & that for me is enough.

I look forward to the simpler things in life. Weekends at home, getting our house decorated, eating a nice dinner, Tony's business taking off, us being happy.

I'm really loving my 30's at the moment and we have so much to look forward to over the next few years of our lives. Getting older really actually is great! 

Now just to conquer my fear of death and dying!

xxx

Bleuuuurgh.....

I have not written a blog post for ages and thought i'd use tonight, sat on the sofa, to have a little share of whats been happening lately for me.

We are finally at the end of the most depressing month of the year! How dull is January?! The come down from Xmas and obviously my birthday, the worst weather forced upon us & the long wait for pay day all add to the grey month that is the first of the year.

So imagine how much worse my January was made when I was told to go to hospital as the doctor thought I had appendicitis. 
Basically, I have this pain every so often in my lower right abdomen, that is a sharp stabbing type pain. It hurts to move, lift my leg, in fact do anything! When the pain started most recently, I was moaning about it, something apparently I do a lot (moan that is), and I thought it would be gone by the morning like all the other times. I woke up on the Friday, with the pain most definitely still there. I also felt really nauseous. On a par with morning sickness feeling. So I was concerned as it seemed different.

I luckily got a morning appointment at the doctors and after him taking my blood pressure a few times and realising that yes I do have low blood pressure, he examined me and was quite convinced I had appendicitis. He rang Medway and told me to go straight to the surgical assessment unit. Luckily Tony was able to take me and I spent the next 2 days with the medical team still thinking I had appendicitis as apparently all signs were pointing to that.

I had a scan, which was horrendously painful, was nil by mouth and attached to a fluid's drip for the whole of the Saturday. I have never been so bored in my life!! Stuck on a bed with nothing to do but nap, was not my idea of a good weekend! I was finally allowed home on the Saturday night after the consultant had been to see me and I didn't have appendicitis...... yay!

They have found a large cyst on my cervix, although that is not what is causing the pain. They think my ovaries, which I still have after the hysterectomy when I had Noah, have stuck to my internal wall with scaring and this will be causing the pain. They think the pain is a monthly problem, but as I don't have period's anymore, I can't say whether it is, so I need to start recording it. 

I still have the pain slightly today, just over a week later, but I have a gynaecology appointment on the 8th March, so hopefully will know more then. They've already said that they will go in with a camera through my belly button to have a look around, so hopefully that will be booked in soon!

And to top it off, I have had an awful cough for 2 weeks now also. Its driving me insane, as I'm sure it is Tony too! I even slept on the sofa the other night as I kept waking him and Noah up. Its got to go soon surely?! 

I've not been in the gym because of the cough, so my mission to get back on the weightless train has been halted! Got to get a move on!! The countdown for a holiday to Italy is well and truly ticking and I need to get in my dress I have for the wedding we are attending!

So, thats been my January really! I'm desperate for some sunshine!!! I can't bear this weather at the moment. Anyone want to buy me, Tony and Noah a holiday?! If you do, please get in touch asap :-) 

xxx